Out of fairness to all, we will follow up our "How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb" with "How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb"?

Answer: Just one, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it first.

A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.  The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string. Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string. The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but  the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is. The kid picks up and says, "Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."

How do you make a million dollars by playing a Jazz bass gig? Start with two million.

What do bass players and drummers have in common? The guitar player's girlfriend.

Two bass players walk past a bar..... hey, it could happen.

What do Jack Bruce and 7-11 coffee have in common?  They both suck without Cream.

Did you hear about the terrorist who held a building full of bass players hostage? He threatened to release one each hour if his demands weren't met.

The world's best Jazz bassist and the world's best Blues bassist met for lunch. Who picked up the tab? Neither, they don't charge for food at the soup kitchen.

What's the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

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A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says "You really need to stop masturbating." The man, a little worried, asks the doctor, "why... am I going blind?" "No," says the doctor. "But you're disturbing everyone else in the waiting room."

What's the definition of a bass player? Someone who is halfway between a drummer and a musician.

The son said to his father, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a bass player." The father replied, "Son, you can't have it both ways."

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Why are there four strings on a bass? Three are spares.

Why are there bass players in a band? Someone has to pay the rent.

How do you know a bass player is successful? His girlfriend has a job.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass players arm? A tattoo.

What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life? Second grade.

Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes? Because they don't understand them.

How many bass player jokes are there? Just one. The rest are true.