Phoenix Jones, crusader, protector, crime-fighter extraordinaire, recently served the citizens of his fair city by participating in the return of the missing Elvis statue from Mama's Mexican Restaurant. While peace reigned momentarily over the city, a new evil has arisen. Beware, Phoenix Jones, a new nemesis threatens the citizens and the tranquility of your beloved city.

As is the nature of things, peace and harmony in the wake of the unfortunate return of the Elvis statue could not last forever. Seattle has a new villain, and Phoenix Jones, a new tormentor. Beware citizens, Rex Velvet intends to shatter your world.

Watch Rex Velvet's Message to Phoenix Jones

Phoenix Jones has stood firm against injustice before. Watch as Phoenix outwits the vicious tyranny of this.... this... drunk.

Phoenix has faced many a foe. In this example, Phoenix goes toe to toe, literally, with this crazed woman and her shoe.

Phoenix Jones, never one to wain in the midst of evil, went mono-y-mono with this gentlemen, utilizing an ordinance in the Seattle area that permits individuals to fight, assuming both parties are willing.

Now, as though the citizens of Seattle weren't already dealing with crime in the streets, unsafe schools, and domestic violence, another form of evil rears its ugly head. Enter Rex Velvet.

What does this sinister villain bring to the table? What horrendous tyranny does he have in store? Does he have any evil powers at all? To look at him, one has to wonder if he has even sprouted pubes yet. Kind of looks like he is a good two or three years from needing a shave. He can't even grow a real mustache. Regardless, there can be little doubt he has conceived some diabolical plan for Phoenix Jones and his beloved citizens of Seattle.

Fare well, Phoenix, and Godspeed. Your legion of fans, including yours truly, applaude your efforts, admire your determination, salute your integrity, and have your back, that is, until such time as things get really nasty. This Rex Velvet chump may turn out to be a really bad dude, in which case, you are kind of on your own.