This "For Sale" ad just went up this morning on the Western Slope Classified Ads Facebook page. This could very well be the best classified ad ever.

I stumbled upon this entirely by accident. Oddly, it involves an item I happen to be in the market for. Is it fate?

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Western Slope Classified Ads is a Facebook page where Colorado residents can sell pretty much anything. I've posted there a few times myself. Earlier today, Wednesday, April 14, this post went live.

Even if you aren't in the market for a new sofa, you'd be tempted to purchase this thing, if only for the post's content.

Here's how it reads.

This post comes to us from Brianna Wilkerson. Enjoy.

This three-year old sectional couch is everything you need in a foundational partner: supportive, flexible, and understanding.
The wrap-around nest shape makes it a perfect fit for any room layout, so while it’s already more adjustable than most men I know, it also combines with an ottoman like a couch version of Voltron to give you enough sleeping room for you and both your girlfriends.
Most amazingly, it makes a conscious effort to memorize your buttocks so as to perfectly cushion them during those long work-from-home days, even if it’s a pretend-to-work-from-home-so-you-can-catch-up-on-Wandavision days.
We paid over a grand to make this ours 3 years ago, and it has plenty of lumbar supporting life left in it. There is a small hole (pictured) that you could easily fix, or use to practice kissing with. This couch invites you in and makes you never want to leave. I have lost three friends and two tinder dates somewhere in the deep ravines between the cushions.
Seriously, after all the sitting around you’ve done on inferior furniture this last year, you owe it to your derrière. Your glutes will thank you. My boyfriend says he’ll help you load it up, but swears to god if anyone says “pivot” he is dropping his end and walking away.

It seems we're already too late.

Between the great value of $300 and the extraordinarily effective sales pitch, this item sold in less than three hours.

What's next for Brianna Wilkerson?

I wish I had seen this sooner. Right now my house is in a state of chaos with an estate sale in works. Perhaps I should have just hired Brianna to sell my items. If she can do this with a sofa, imagine what she could do with my studly Star Trek collector plates.

Brianna, have you considered a career in marketing? If not, you should. If nothing else, maybe a career writing copy for ad agencies. It's in your blood.

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