It's the rage all over China, and it's making its way to your neighborhood soon. Solve about a million beach and swimming pool problems in one shot by investing in the latest sensation, the "Facekini."

While at the beach you can protect your skin, and your anonymity, all at the same time, just by wearing a Facekini. Why doesn't everybody have at least five or six of these?

According to, the Facekini provides protection from the sun, algae, and even jellyfish. Question: have you or anyone you know ever been attacked by algae?

Here are five more reasons why you should run right out and buy a Facekini:

  • Protect your anonymity at the beach or pool - you won't have to worry about how you look in your swimsuit since nobody will know it's you.
  • If someone kicks sand in your face while at the beach, you can pretend to be a professional wrestler, stomp the you-know-what out of your opponent, and escape without fear of retribution or arrest.
  • You can wear it to the beach in the Summer, and to the ski slopes in the Winter.
  • If you wear it to the convenience store, the clerks will assume they're being robbed, and you can get your soda and snacks for free.
  • Scare little kids out of the pool or beach so you can have it all to yourself.
The inventor of the Facekini claims they've sold 30,000 units in the last year alone. Price for the garment averages around $8.

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