Local DJ Finds Positive Pregnancy Test in Backyard Shrubs + We Need Answers

There I was, minding my own business, doing a little work in my backyard, when suddenly, something bizarre caught my eye. Can anyone explain why there was an at-home-pregnancy test placed in the shrubs in my backyard? Is my Old Gold Juniper bush in trouble?

Seriously, laying on top of the shrubs in my backyard, I found not only a pregnancy test, but a positive pregnancy test. Check out the photos above. That's exactly how I found it. Is my Juniper trying to tell me something? Are my shrubs knocked up? If so, who's responsible for this?

I would like to believe the pregnancy test wound up in my backyard as a result of some strange act of nature - a huge wind gust or something. I'm constantly finding trash in my backyard: pop cans, milk jugs, plastic bags, etc.

This is a new one, though. A pregnancy test... really?

How did the test find its way to the shrubs in my backyard? Here are a few theories (please note, I didn't say good theories. I didn't even say plausible theories.)

• My shrub is pregnant and felt this was the best way to tell me.
• Someone out there is pregnant and felt my backyard was the proper place to dispose of the evidence.
• A neighbor left their bathroom window open. A wind gust of unimaginable magnitude sucked the test out of the bathroom trash can, into the air, where it ultimately landed gently in my backyard.
• Someone flying overhead in a 747 flushed their pregnancy test down the jet's toilet. The jet then purged its tanks somewhere over the Grand Valley.
• An Astronaut aboard the International Space Station took the test. Before returning to Earth, the astronaut had to remove all unnecessary "weight" from the re-entry craft. The pregnancy test was released from the Soyuz airlock. After several orbits, the pregnancy test re-entered the atmosphere, where it ultimately soft landed in my shrubbery.

Okay, so none of the above explanations hold water. In reality, they kind of suck. Unfortunately, one of them must be the truth.

In any event, somebody has a bun in the oven. Maybe it's my backyard shrub, maybe it isn't. If it is, then I guess I'll have to have a talk with the neighbors. Whoever is responsible for this had better have an engagement ring in their pocket. They're not going to leave my shrub to have to deal with this alone. Oh, yeah, and they're not living here, either.

What's the simple solution here? If it had been an old newspaper or a paper cup in the shrub, the matter could be chalked up to the wind blowing trash around. A pregnancy test, though? I want answers!