Driving on the streets of Grand Junction can be harrowing. Not all drivers are bad, but it would hurt some motorists to retake traffic school again. How many times have you yelled at the driver, "WHAT THE [INSERT EXPLICTIVE] ARE YOU DOING?"

If you're new to Grand Junction or driving in general, here's are the rules you need to follow.

*This post in jest. By no means should you actually use this as a guide for driving -- for the safety of you and those around you.

  • When You See a Stop Sign...

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    Gently roll up to the intersection, look both ways while tapping your brake, the floor it. Don't worry about oncoming traffic or pedestrians, they'll gladly wait for you.

  • When in the Left Hand Turn Lane...


    How to react to the signals:

    • Green Arrow = Go!
    • Yellow = Go faster.
    • Red Arrow = If you can count to three and still make it, and floor that sucker. Again, oncoming traffic and pedestrians will wait patiently.
  • When Turning in General...


    Normally, there is a little lever on the right side of the column -- the piece that holds the steering wheel -- known as a blinker. Those have become a high-priced option. If your vehicle is equipped with this option, it's up to you if you want to use it or not. If you opt to use it, you can definitely wait until the last minute.

  • While Using Your Cell Phone...


    Using your cell phone is totally cool. Don't worry about the people around you, they'll make sure not to hit you and interrupt your convo or status update.

  • When the Light Turns Green...

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    This phenomenon lets drivers know it's time to go. AFTER you've counted to three -- see turning left. Then, slowly place your foot on the far right peddle on the floor, while tapping the left peddle. Don't worry if your a few cars back in line, you'll eventually make it through the light.